I am a Bonobo.
Not just any Bonobo who happens to have one of the finest tailors in London running his hands up my inside leg.
I am a Bonobo tasked with a specific mission, mission to bring home or - failing that - eliminate - my 510 currently rogue predecessors of the SpIWIT Project.
Ah yes. SpIWIT. Yet another of your wonderfully inept ideas that amount to nothing but a giant headache for the rest of us.
*insert resigned bonobo grunt here*
As you humans are so prone to stubbornly refusing to learn from your mistakes, it should hardly surprise anyone that these mistakes manifested in a way that present dangers beyond your disillusioned concept of what you could control.
Said mistake was born from an idea to weaponise what humans consider "lesser" animals and endow them with enough intelligence to be responsive to control and command. Needless to say, when I do discover the identity of this “genius", words will be few and actions will speak with unabashed abandon.
So, in short, to complete this mission, I require your backup, a team of worthy primates capable of coming to the fore in answer to the call of a lone chimp. The title sequence for my first mission is rather good. I’d advise you pull out your infrared spy binoculars and take a look.
So there is just enough time for a leaf green smoothie, blended not crushed naturally, before I embark on my mission to salvage our backsides from the fire and back into the frying pan. It might buy our beautiful world some time. But please.
Don't be surprised if she has other ideas.