An Ape Walks Into A Bar...


  1. "...he orders a leaf green smoothie, blended not crushed naturally, and scans his exits, which include the fire escape, the skylight above and the writer in the far corner of the room who seems to favour the presence of a monkey on his back..."
  2. Not that Bubbles O'Seven is a monkey per se. He rarely corrects the misnomer unless his demonstrable skills fail to convince otherwise. In fact, he likes it when people underestimate him by assigning that species designation to his persona. Because a) It gives him a considerable advantage when his adversaries underestimate him and b) demonstrates how woefully ignorant are said adversaries.
  3. He rarely is forced to resort to violence. 'Faites l'amour pas la guerre' is, after all, the family - no, his entire species' - motto and they tend to live by it, even when faced with their most aggressive ape cousin, Homo sapien. Mmmm, deadlier than a truckload of chimpanzees armed with AK-47s and stun grenades, and that's saying something. Still, Bubbles relishes a challenge and working with a troupe of devolved primates, who seem to think two hands are better than four, has proven interesting to say the least.
  4. Yes. He will help them, but he is under no illusion about the nature of the relationship. Once he has fulfilled his usefulness, like any subject of the SpIWIT Initiative, he will be betrayed. There is no place for another intelligent species in the food chain that could potentially rival that of humanity. Heaven forbid.
  5. Yes. You may think you have it all well planned, your design mapped, the destination inevitable, but don't clink your champagne flutes to a resounding "bottoms up!" just yet, Homo sapien.
  6. Otherwise, you may find you've left yourself open for a bit more than a spanking.
  7. Our Kickstarter campaign is still running if you'd like to assist in Bubbles' mission.
  8. Secret Agent monkey business.
    Secret Agent monkey business.