Stage 1: Round-up

Is it a prologue? Is it a time-trial? The answer to that is very simple, but commentators have a lot of time to fill, so why not make a discussion out of it?

  1. @CadelOfficial is saying, "Use the force @RohanDennis. Just keeping thinking like a crocodile. The love will come." http://t.co/ap6KwLDmJ1
    @CadelOfficial is saying, "Use the force @RohanDennis. Just keeping thinking like a crocodile. The love will come." pic.twitter.com/ap6KwLDmJ1
  2. #TDF party in my van Gardenen: bring your own Francesco Nibillies, I'll be serving Porte and Pinot. #sbstdf
  3. The couch peloton regrouped for the 102nd Tour de France as the riders donned skinsuits for their lightning tour of Utrecht. We waited impatiently... for the first of the 2015 #sherliggettisms.
  4. We didn't have to wait long.
  5. Phil Liggett's solar ponderings. This is why I watch #SBSTDF #gold
  6. Phil getting all reflective on the bicycles in the Netherlands. We all need more bike parking stories Phil. #sbstdf
  7. And Phil and Paul are talking about parking lots while there's a time trial. What's next? The technical merits of paint-drying? #sbstdf
  8. Why does it not shock me that Phil was wandering about getting in the way on bike paths in Utrecht? #TDF2015 #sbstdf
  9. Does the new Australian Border Force check biological passports and scan suitcases of courage #sbstdf
  10. Did Paul just say 'caused undulating values in his .... What the hell does that mean? #SBStdf
  11. I guess an undulatating biological passport is better than one that's a little L'Alpe d'Huez-y. #sbstdf #tdf2015
  12. @lizzy_koh A cyclist not being the race has never stopped P&P from mentioning them and telling stories. They mention Tom Boonen EVERY YEAR.
  13. 'You know what Paul, that reminds me of a story...' *head in hands* #TDF
  14. Roche story not sure if I should drink, scream or tick my bingo sheet #sbstdf
  15. I'm sure Nicolas Roche would appreciate it if P&P managed to go 30 seconds without mentioning his dad... #sbstdf
  16. TONY MARTIN IS LIKE A METRONOME. ON A BIKE. AND NOT TICKING. BUT OTHERWISE EXACTLY LIKE A METRONOME. #TDF #TDF2015 #TDFutrecht
  17. Get me there with Jensie... He can hardly hear the commentary #sbstdf #luckything
  18. these guys need to keep their powder dry … term “psychological blow” has been used way to often on this first stage #sbstdf #sherliggetisms
  19. "If noise makes winners, then I guess it's time to whip out the vuvuzelas..." makes about as much sense as what phil just said. #sbstdf #TDF
  20. oh the suspense has been thrown down! just as im about to head off Phil gets excited #sbstdf
  21. @HardcoreCommute: 'Throwing down the suspense' ???!!!! WTF ? #sherligettisms #sbstdf” Mixing your own mixed metaphors, #senility
  22. Both Phil & Paul are just vomiting random words now, aren't they #sbstdf
  23. This particular Sherliggettism requires a section of its own.
  24. @lesvachesdutour BBQs. At this time of night. WTF. Srsly. No. Also, SITTING ON THEM. All of it's just wrong. WRONG.
  25. "His nickname is griller which he got in the tdu because they love bbqs there" #alternatep&p #sbstdf
  26. Sitting on the BBQ, throwing down the suspense - life doesn't get better (& it's only the prologue) #sherligettisms #sbstdf #sbscycling
  27. Think I need another cuppa to calm the nerves and my butt is getting sore from sitting on this BBQ plate! #thanksPhil
  28. We were taken by this description of... some concept.
  29. I somehow feel the "cruisers" might be the better choice than "floaters". #SBSTdF #SherLiggetisms
  30. I think floaters is our Word Of The Day today #sbstdf
  31. We also had Jens.
  32. Did Jensie just call P&P old men, talking old men?! I love you Jens. #TdF #SBSTdF
  33. Love that my call last year to have @thejensie on the #sbstdf coverage has come true.
  34. I still can't choose which I prefer, #ShutUpLegs commentating or riding, he probably could do both. #SBSTdF
  35. Don't know Jens, der Panzerwagen and Super Fabs are really going to have to get a wriggle on to better that Dennis kid's effort #sbstdf
  36. First #trolldj of the year...
  37. Possible future quiz questions...
  38. @lesvachesdutour Simon I think. Don't worry, I'm sure you'll hear it from P&P several times more.
  39. Rohan Dennis was the 38th rider to start and he posted a record time. And then had to wait for the next 160 riders to come in...
  40. DuMOOOOOOOOOOOOOlin!
  41. Watch out .. Dumoulin also uses caffeinated shampoo #sbstdf
  42. Oh so Tom is Dutch? or should we ask the crowd…… #TDF2015
  43. That Dumoulin time trial was the noisiest time trial I've ever seen. Or heard.
  44. Bloody impressive ride Tom "Windmill" Dumoulin - chapeau to you anyway. #sbstdf #tdf2015
  45. There were many opportunities to stay hydrated.
  46. Can we count any Pinot can't descend schtick as a #drink ?
  47. And fed.
  48. @lesvachesdutour 
#Fail on the artisanal cheese race there.

"I Gouda been a contender. I Gouda been somebody." http://t.co/NOc9CbuZrN
    @lesvachesdutour #Fail on the artisanal cheese race there. "I Gouda been a contender. I Gouda been somebody." pic.twitter.com/NOc9CbuZrN
  49. Fashion watch:
  50. @lesvachesdutour That eye-boiling *green* fluo. Burning out retinas since 2014.
  51. For the first #tdf in many years, the 'worst kit' prize won't go to AG2R. http://t.co/Xq4fxPeGgh
    For the first #tdf in many years, the 'worst kit' prize won't go to AG2R. pic.twitter.com/Xq4fxPeGgh
  52. Not sure I understand Hi-Vis camo... doesn't the defeat the purpose of the Camo part? :) #TDF
  53. Not keen on Berties outfit. Looks a bit of a mess from the back. #tdf
  54. Am just noticing there is a patch of camo on the buttcrack of the Tinkoff Saxo skinsuits. This is just unacceptable. #TDF2015
  55. What other trollist elements could Tinkoff Saxo add to their uniforms? #SBSTdF
  56. Heh...
  57. Saw someone in Islington earlier wearing a Kask TT helmet, similar to Froome's, complete with visor. She was riding a Brompton.
  58. Hair watch:
  59. Ten Dam wasn't sure about his beard at first, but it grew on him... #sbstdf
  60. ...became drool-watch...
  61. eeeewwwwwww his literally frothing at the mouth!!!! #sbstdf
  62. "Ten Dam has a beard that is spittle-laced" -- Eurosport. #TDF2015
  63. ...segueing nicely into Fabs watch.
  64. Did someone mention Ab Fab Cancellara?! Go you good thing!  #sbstdf http://t.co/CcOa4uUi9M
    Did someone mention Ab Fab Cancellara?! Go you good thing! #sbstdf pic.twitter.com/CcOa4uUi9M
  65. I’d say “Fabs is looking good” but… that really doesn’t shed any light on how he’s actually going in this TT.
  66. Cancellara cameraman definitely needs a cold shower and to think about baseball or a maiden aunt. #sbstdf
  67. Very much enjoying the slightly pervy meme highlighting the magnificence of the glorious Mr.Cancellara. #sbstdf
  68. There's something a little upsetting about Phil Liggett talking about Fabs Big Thighs :o(
  69. Phil, if Fabs wins with those big thighs, he won’t be spoiling *this* Australian’s night… #sbstdf
  70. Those big thighs that have pumped their way to some of his victories- oh Phil! #sherliggetisms #sbstdf
  71. @lesvachesdutour "Was a saintly size, telling me no lies ... knocking me out with those Helvetica thighs ..."
  72. And the women of the cycling da world continue to appreciate Fabian being named such #heartthrob #sbstdf
  73. Christ, even the #tourcat got up to watch Ab Fab @f_cancellara ! Is there no end to his magnificence?! #sbstdf
  74. Ad watch:
  75. Drying my eyes with a kangarou because the "dry your eyes with a kangarou" ad has been retired #sbstdf
  76. i'm not sure john degenkolb understands shampoo, or how to shower, or hygiene "leave it on for 2mins after training" #sbstdf #sbscycling
  77. And Marcel Kittel has the nerve to complain he isn't in the Tour de France. Saw him twice so far in the Alpecin commercial.
  78. Hoping Marcel Kittel spends July working on his acting skills so as to improve those awful shampoo adverts. #TDF
  79. If anyone retiring carried on like this tool in the Colonial ad, I’d be glad he was leaving.
  80. @norbs Having worked there in a past life, can confirm this behaviour is prevalent...
  81. We have our favourites...
  82. Haha nobody tweeted for a full 15 secs while we watched Pinot warm up! #TopTourTottie
  83. My poor neighbours - can they hear me repeating the name Thibaut Pinot in a french accent over and over? Shouting DEGS at random intervals?
  84. ...and our less-favoured competitors.
  85. i've come to the conclusion we should lay off Valverde.... Not! #TDF
  86. Although there's always room to change your mind.
  87. I've been converted to the Dick Dastardly of cycling. I feel a bit dirty, but it's a terrible truth.  https://twitter.com/ButteredFrog/status/617350274722742276 
  88. The long wait in the hot seat was over for Rohan Dennis.
  89. His Nibs on his way in - comes in at 22nd - 43 secs down - the best of the GC guys! #Tour2015 Rohan Dennis is in yellow!
  90. Well that was fun, wasn't it?! Looking forward to another 3 weeks on the road. Delighted to see @RohanDennis in yellow. Phenomenal!
  91. My thoughts exactly...
  92. Honestly, why is the stuffed toy a lion, surely it should be a stuffed vache! Perhas a charolais? #sbstdf http://t.co/tXQXdWqB2M
    Honestly, why is the stuffed toy a lion, surely it should be a stuffed vache! Perhas a charolais? #sbstdf pic.twitter.com/tXQXdWqB2M