10 things your tweets say about you

For those who navigate the Twitterverse on a regular basis, the stream of information can be confusing, probably because a lot of it is not real information. So here's a guide to help you understand what kinds of tweets are out there, and what does it say about the twits who post them. Here's what your tweets say about you.


  1. 1. You are a troll. The troll is a person who likes to instigate for the sake of instigation. This person's tweets are usually not constructive, but merely provocations. When encountered online, it is better to avoid such people. If you encounter them in person, throw a bucket of water at them (they probably need a shower anyway) and run.

    Example: New York Times Executive Editor Bill Keller.

  2. 2. You are a conversationalist. This person has no regard for your presence on Twitter and will clog your feed with responses to other people's tweets. Don't try to follow that conversation, it probably started in the middle of something anyway.

    Example: Kingston Alderman Tom Hoffay.

  3. 3. You are a one-way conversationalist. This person tweets to others, usually famous people. But the others never respond. You can find people in this category talking to walls on the street. Approach with caution.
    Example: Ulster County Legislator Michael Madsen.

  4. 4. You are an unoriginal thinker. Tweeterers in this category tweet incredible deep and philosophical ideas that are not theirs. What they really are trying to tell you is that they are very intelligent because they ran into a quote on the internet. They also misquote the famous quotes. That's how they roll.

    Example: Crazy Person.

  5. 5. You are a robot. You can have hours-long conversations with this person before you realize you've been speaking to an automated machine. You are lonely.

    Example: Jedi Master Yoda.

  6. 6. You are the person on Twitter who doesn't know how to use Twitter.This person is an avid user of 'copy and paste,' usually long links, without context, even though this person probably thinks that you should click on their impossibly long links. Another way this person uses the 140-character micro-blogging platform is to post something that is longer than 140 characters, defeating the purpose of Twitter. Don't try to reason with them, or they'll send you a long link.

    Example: New York Assemblyman Marc Molinaro.

  7. 7. You are a shameless self-promoter. This person talks about what this person does. Everything else is not worthy, because you are a lowly life form not deserving of his or her attention. If you run into this person in real life, they're probably running around naked screaming: "LOOK AT ME!"

    Example: U.S. Rep. Maurice Hinchey.

  8. 8. You have issues. This person probably has multiple personalities, and Twitter has allowed them to get split neatly into different avatars.
    Example: The Daily Freeman News Cat.
  9. 9. You share too much. Tweeterers in this category post what they eat, listen to, wear, where they are, what they buy and probably post photos just to show the color of their secretions. They are that important.

    Example: Charlie Sheen

  10. 10. You have a Twitter account that you barely use. You probably started using Twitter because someone told you you have to be there or someone created an account for you. Then it probably sat there for a year or two and now you only tweet here and there and when mean columnists anger you.

    Example: Ulster County Legislator Jeanette Provenzano.

  11. For the record, yours truly is an oversharing, unoriginal, self-promoting conversationalist troll who has issues, doesn't know how to use Twitter and has one-way conversations with robots and people who barely use their accounts
  12. So which one are you? And what did I miss?