Ashley C. Ford@iSmashFizzle

Having spent the majority of my life up until 18 in a very black community w/ few white people, some cultural differences still confound me.

Thu, Jan 28 2016 14:30:25

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— Ashley C. Ford (@iSmashFizzle)Thu, Jan 28 2016 14:30:25

Ashley C. Ford@iSmashFizzle

Growing up I was often called too sensitive/too friendly. When I went to college, more than a few times I was called "harsh" or "brash".

Thu, Jan 28 2016 14:32:26

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— Ashley C. Ford (@iSmashFizzle)Thu, Jan 28 2016 14:32:26

Ashley C. Ford@iSmashFizzle

One of the first things I learned by being around white people was that they didn't like to be corrected or told I was upset directly.

Thu, Jan 28 2016 14:34:11

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//twitter.com/iSmashFizzle/status/692717309937475584

— Ashley C. Ford (@iSmashFizzle)Thu, Jan 28 2016 14:34:11

Ashley C. Ford@iSmashFizzle

If I was passive-aggressive (which I had a hard time with), that was okay. But no matter how nicely I said I was upset, it was "mean".

Thu, Jan 28 2016 14:35:28

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— Ashley C. Ford (@iSmashFizzle)Thu, Jan 28 2016 14:35:28

Ashley C. Ford@iSmashFizzle

These conversations tended to happen with white women. White men didn't call me "mean", they called me "ghetto" or "scary". I was confused!

Thu, Jan 28 2016 14:37:25

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— Ashley C. Ford (@iSmashFizzle)Thu, Jan 28 2016 14:37:25

Ashley C. Ford@iSmashFizzle

Yes! It's cultural. Different communities learned to deal with conflict in different ways.  https://twitter.com/mathistanisha/status/692718242599702528 …

Thu, Jan 28 2016 14:38:50

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//twitter.com/iSmashFizzle/status/692718482048339969

— Ashley C. Ford (@iSmashFizzle)Thu, Jan 28 2016 14:38:50

Ashley C. Ford@iSmashFizzle

I've found that a big barrier to conversations about race is kind of the same issue. Black people talk about race all the time no big deal.

Thu, Jan 28 2016 14:39:48

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— Ashley C. Ford (@iSmashFizzle)Thu, Jan 28 2016 14:39:48

Ashley C. Ford@iSmashFizzle

But lots of white people are either raised to believe NOTICING someone is a different race or talking about race is rude, taboo, gauche.

Thu, Jan 28 2016 14:41:20

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— Ashley C. Ford (@iSmashFizzle)Thu, Jan 28 2016 14:41:20

Ashley C. Ford@iSmashFizzle

Me saying things like, "Black people gotta have cornbread at Thanksgiving" had them like, "Why is everything about race with you?"

Thu, Jan 28 2016 14:46:11

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— Ashley C. Ford (@iSmashFizzle)Thu, Jan 28 2016 14:46:11

Ashley C. Ford@iSmashFizzle

There were literally white girls on my floor who were like, "We think you're so funny, but you just, like, bring up your blackness a lot."

Thu, Jan 28 2016 14:47:02

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— Ashley C. Ford (@iSmashFizzle)Thu, Jan 28 2016 14:47:02

Ashley C. Ford@iSmashFizzle

And me putting my foot down about them using words like "ghetto" or "gay" turned into me being "intense" or "mean".

Thu, Jan 28 2016 14:47:59

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— Ashley C. Ford (@iSmashFizzle)Thu, Jan 28 2016 14:47:59

Ashley C. Ford@iSmashFizzle

I'd never been in a situation where talking about my blackness was considered a bad/rude thing. As if it would be better to let them forget.

Thu, Jan 28 2016 14:50:04

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— Ashley C. Ford (@iSmashFizzle)Thu, Jan 28 2016 14:50:04

Ashley C. Ford@iSmashFizzle

I didn't want to make people uncomfortable, but I also wanted to be able to have conversations about my life, and *I* am black.

Thu, Jan 28 2016 14:52:20

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//twitter.com/iSmashFizzle/status/692721879451340801

— Ashley C. Ford (@iSmashFizzle)Thu, Jan 28 2016 14:52:20

Ashley C. Ford@iSmashFizzle

I brought this up because I feel like black women specifically get accused of being "mean" for essentially not agreeing with white people.

Thu, Jan 28 2016 14:54:49

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//twitter.com/iSmashFizzle/status/692722501831528448

— Ashley C. Ford (@iSmashFizzle)Thu, Jan 28 2016 14:54:49

Ashley C. Ford@iSmashFizzle

And don't be obtuse, because you know I don't mean every white person in the whole world.

Thu, Jan 28 2016 14:55:32

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— Ashley C. Ford (@iSmashFizzle)Thu, Jan 28 2016 14:55:32

Ashley C. Ford@iSmashFizzle

We tend to be a direct people & you have to be able to discern the difference between THAT and meanness. They aren't the same. Never were.

Thu, Jan 28 2016 14:58:11

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— Ashley C. Ford (@iSmashFizzle)Thu, Jan 28 2016 14:58:11

Ashley C. Ford@iSmashFizzle

There are all kinds of mean people, but black women are regularly coded that way. Why? We're impatient with passive-agressive behavior.

Thu, Jan 28 2016 15:02:11

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//twitter.com/iSmashFizzle/status/692724356343042048

— Ashley C. Ford (@iSmashFizzle)Thu, Jan 28 2016 15:02:11

Ashley C. Ford@iSmashFizzle

If we're friends & you stop talking to me, or you roll your eyes behind my back, I'm not a mind-reader! I'm gonna ask you what's good!

Thu, Jan 28 2016 15:03:31

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— Ashley C. Ford (@iSmashFizzle)Thu, Jan 28 2016 15:03:31

Ashley C. Ford@iSmashFizzle

Just like if you keep saying words that offend me, I'm not talking about it with every mutual friend we have, I'm going to talk to you.

Thu, Jan 28 2016 15:04:38

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— Ashley C. Ford (@iSmashFizzle)Thu, Jan 28 2016 15:04:38

Ashley C. Ford@iSmashFizzle

Imagine how frustrating it is for black women in leadership positions. Every time they need to address something you get called mean?

Thu, Jan 28 2016 15:07:03

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//twitter.com/iSmashFizzle/status/692725580396171265

— Ashley C. Ford (@iSmashFizzle)Thu, Jan 28 2016 15:07:03

Ashley C. Ford@iSmashFizzle

Now, lots of black women have learned to be less "intense" to succeed in very white industries, but what an awful thing to have to learn.

Thu, Jan 28 2016 15:08:23

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//twitter.com/iSmashFizzle/status/692725917278453760

— Ashley C. Ford (@iSmashFizzle)Thu, Jan 28 2016 15:08:23

Ashley C. Ford@iSmashFizzle

Black women at work who can't say, "That offends me" because it might affect the trajectory of their entire career. "Not a team-player."

Thu, Jan 28 2016 15:09:42

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//twitter.com/iSmashFizzle/status/692726247072333824

— Ashley C. Ford (@iSmashFizzle)Thu, Jan 28 2016 15:09:42

Ashley C. Ford@iSmashFizzle

The worst is when you're a black woman (or man) who gets promoted and asked to keep the POC who you supervise "Under control". That happens.

Thu, Jan 28 2016 15:11:58

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— Ashley C. Ford (@iSmashFizzle)Thu, Jan 28 2016 15:11:58

Ashley C. Ford@iSmashFizzle

I think white folks have to ask themselves, when black women are around me, how much of themselves do I demand they leave at the door?

Thu, Jan 28 2016 15:13:50

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//twitter.com/iSmashFizzle/status/692727287523991553

— Ashley C. Ford (@iSmashFizzle)Thu, Jan 28 2016 15:13:50

Ashley C. Ford@iSmashFizzle

I'm rambling, but it's true. You should talk to any black women friends you have who went to PWI's or worked with a lot of white folks.

Thu, Jan 28 2016 15:17:27

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— Ashley C. Ford (@iSmashFizzle)Thu, Jan 28 2016 15:17:27