- — Moose Allain (@MooseAllain)Mon, Jul 04 2011 07:51:27No no, no no no no, no no no no, no no no no, no no no no, no no no no, no no no no, no no no no, no no no no, no no no no, there's no limi
- — Chris (@ChribHibble)Fri, May 18 2012 14:16:17The best thing about alcohol hand gel in hospitals isn't the hygiene, but that everyone walks around like they're hatching a dastardly plan.
- — Matt Roller (@rolldiggity)Sat, Oct 06 2012 19:11:091. Hide babies all over house. 2. If a kid asks, "Where do babies come from?" laugh, "Where DON'T they come from!" and open every cabinet.
- — Aaron Burdette (@AaronBurdette)Sat, Nov 24 2012 05:40:36Mario returns from another day of golfing, karting and tennis. "Did you do any plumbing today?" his wife asks. A hungry baby cries.
- — Ace... Ace? (@AceMakesWords)Fri, Apr 12 2013 09:51:25How to make a list without Spin Doctors references: 1. 2. princes kneel before you Shit I did it again I'm so bad at this why do I even try
- — sixthformpoet (@sixthformpoet)Wed, Jul 10 2013 08:00:23The fact Michael Jackson had to ask Annie if she was OK nearly 100 times in four minutes makes me think she probably wasn't OK.
- — TechnicallyRon (@TechnicallyRon)Sat, Aug 10 2013 10:09:03Ten, Twenty, Thirty, fourty, fifty, sixty, sixtyten, "what?" four twenties, "France, stop it" four twenties and ten. "France you're drunk"
- — Rhys James (@rhysjamesy)Fri, Aug 16 2013 11:22:14Justin Bieber gets 40,000 retweets just for tweeting 'Hello', so here's my attempt: Hele0iM1. Ah, harder than it looks. Fair play to him.
- — Cocaine Cola (@SatansTongue)Sat, Oct 05 2013 20:13:07I broke up with my ex because she took a shortcut and beat me in Mario Kart. She's never done this before. Another man taught her I know it
- — Andy H. (@AndyAsAdjective)Sat, Nov 30 2013 03:34:01The Roomba vacuum cleaner just beat me to a piece of popcorn I dropped on the floor & this is how the war against the machines begins.
- — Cohen is a ghost (@skullmandible)Thu, Dec 12 2013 23:50:09most cutting thing you can say is "who's this clown?" because it implies they're a) a clown & b) not even one of the better-known clowns
- — huntigula (@huntigula)Thu, Dec 26 2013 18:10:36*Hamburglar returns home with bag of hamburgers* *his wife, holding a crying baby, slaps the bag out of his hands* "WE NEED MONEY, DAMMIT!"
My Favourite 85 Tweets Of All Time
not in any particular order by the way
byDan2 Likes10,730 Views