As seen onFavicon for http://www.themoscowtimes.comthemoscowtimes.com

Sochi Social - the good, the bad and the ugly Olympic outfits

byThe Moscow Times6,619 Views
Favicon for http://www.themoscowtimes.com
themoscowtimes.com
6,219 views
Favicon for https://storify.com
storify.com
302 views
Favicon for https://www.google.com
google.com
42 views
Favicon for https://twitter.com
twitter.com
18 views
Embed
  1. "So what are you going to wear?"

    For tomorrow's Olympic opening ceremony in Sochi, that's the one question athletes won't have to answer. Teams are traditionally given matching clothes to wear in a show of unity, often playing upon the national colors of their country. 

    Unfortunately, that also means being at the mercy of whoever gets to put together these outfits. Designers have been known to get creative, making athletes secretly yearn for their go-to suit or LBD. So, if you are planning to watch the ceremony on Friday, brace yourself! Here are some outfits that work - and some that will have you reaching for your sunglasses.

    1. Norway

    Norway! It's the country of the fjords, of the Nobel Prize for Peace - and, apparently, of barbershop quartets in snazzy patterned suits. No, wait: These dapper young gentlemen are actually athletes, and the pose is intended to say "curling" rather than "doo-wop":
  3. Given that their nation has a proud history of doing well at Winter Olympics, one can only hope the Norwegian team win a few medals at the very least. Because that's just what this look needs: an additional dose of bling.

  4. 2. The Netherlands

    If you want to do "patterned", do it right. The Dutchmen and -women competing in Sochi will be flying their colors, yet manage to keep their dignity intact.
  6. Glam rather than garish, these outfits can actually pass for dressy day wear. The Netherlands' national oranje (that's orange to you) is kept in check (geddit?) by combining it with more neutral colors. 

    You could visit your gran in these and she'd pinch your cheek and slip you a tenner. See, Norway? This is how it's done. 

    3. United States

    So how do we put this nicely, and without upsetting the world's one remaining superpower? Well, let's start with the facts.
  8. Ralph Lauren, huh? Rachel's boss from "Friends" - a show that aired when men could still legitimately wear sweater vests. Remember Chandler Bing? Problem is, these kinds of bold knit patterns stopped being cool before Ross even got his second divorce. 

    And of course, the U.S. uniform has to tick all the boxes. The red box. The white box. The blue box. The stripy box. The star-spangled box.  Still, with all due respect to Uncle Sam: Don't you think that just maybe, you're too hard? So here's a different caption for that same picture:

  10. 4. Canada

    Oh, Canada! We knew you'd come through for us. And no, this isn't about your decent, though somewhat boring general look.
  12. The real reason props go to Canada is this helmet worn by their skeleton racer John Fairbairn in a practice session. According to his official bio, when he's not competing at the Olympics, Fairbairn "works as a mechanical engineer in the oil and gas services industry". You can tell, can't you?

  14. 5. Germany

    Fun. Playful. Easygoing. That's the Germans we're talking about, obviously. And to prove how very seriously they take their fun, they've had their designers come up with this cheerful, whimsical look.
  16. Seriously, though - this is wrong on so many levels. Camouflage-pattern trousers in bright orange, the least camouflage-y shade of all. Duffle coats in a mix of block colors and small stripes. And for the men's hats, they made sure to pick those greens and blues that would clash in the most dreadful way with the national black, red and gold. 

    No surprise, then, that the model on the right did the only smart thing and hid behind the flag. Go home, Germany - you're betrunken.

    6. Mexico

    Mexico may not be the first country that comes to mind when you think of the Winter Olympics. But if medals were handed out based on style, they would win hands-down. And it's all due to this little number.
  18. Now all the uniform needs is someone dashing to wear it. Oh, here we go:
  20. That's Hubertus von Hohenlohe. He is a citizen of Liechtenstein and of Mexico.  He grew up in a five-star hotel. He once wrote a song for Falco. He's a photographer and moves among the jet set. 

    All of which pales compared to the fact that, in Sochi, the 55-year-old will race down snowy hills in this Mariachi-inspired suit. 

  22. 7. The Volunteers

    If the German jackets above left you oddly unfulfilled, then here's another dash of color (and by dash we mean deluge). 
  24. Is it a bedspread? Is it an oven cloth? Is it a piece of protest art crafted by subversive quilters ("Rainbow colors against homophobia, muahaha!") Who can tell. One thing is sure, though: The volunteers  are adapting to it quite admirably.
Like
Share

Share

Facebook
Google+

You are about to permanently delete this story.

This cannot be undone. To confirm this action, please enter the title of the story below.

Are you sure?

Are you sure you want to flag this story?