I would find a new way to communicate with my mother who was suffering from Alzheimer's disease.
I wrote that on my da Vinci pad in 2004. This was at the same time I was coming to another conclusion, something had to change and that something was me.
I did not perceived the changes in communication as being difficult. After all, I had been studying communication and decision making all the way back to college days, and ever since. I figured some practice and I would get the hang of it.
What I did not immediately perceive was how difficult it would be to change all the things I had learned over the course of my life.
For example, I had to learn how NOT
to feel bad when my mother said something mean spirited to me.
I knew consciously that every time my mother said something "mean" to me, she didn't mean it. I knew this because she never said any of those things to me before dementia started affecting her brain. Her ability to think and feel.
So, I knew it was Alzheimer's that was causing her to be so "mean".
Nevertheless, when Dotty said something mean, and even though I knew she didn't mean it, I still felt sad, angry, and often snapped back at her. In other words, I reacted the way I would react to anyone that treated me in that way.
All I can say is, Wowie Zowie. It is very hard and very difficult to change patterns of behavior that you learned over 50 years.
I had to rewire my brain.