The Last Hours of @MayorEmanuel
With his sacrifice in victory, he saved us all
- Having woken up late on Election Day, @mayoremanuel prepares to get out the vote. Mayor Richard M Daley has shown him the Bleed -- the infinite number of universes, with an infinite number of Chicagos, seen through a transdimensional portal kept in City Hall by the mayor.
In one of the universes, Rahm Emanuel is missing -- and this universe, our universe, cannot hold two Rahm Emanuels (presumably @RahmEmanuel and @MayorEmanuel). Carl the Intern has crunched the numbers and confirmed that a time vortex is coming to suck @MayorEmanuel out of this dimension. There may only be hours left.
Yet @MayorEmanuel takes strength from his ally and confidante David Axelrod, who tells him: - Quaxelrod quietly quack-moans. Carl the Intern blinks back tears. And Election Day begins. Time vortex be motherfucking damned.
- Carl the Intern, as Amy Quinn notes below, is a character on Disney XD's Phineas and Ferb. He even has his own song.
- NB: @TheFix is not in fact Einstein, but The Washington Post's politics reporter Chris Cillizza.
- David Axelrod's Civic looms large in @MayorEmanuel's legend, and it takes a fierce beating, frequently breaking down, flipping over, subject to verbal and physical abuse. It's missing a passenger-side window and has a large dent on the roof. Axelrod loves his car.Quaxelrod is a duck that @MayorEmanuel found, adopted, and named for his resemblance to his friend and advisor. Quaxelrod sometimes acts like an ordinary duck, sometimes like an extraordinary pet, and sometimes like a fully-fledged intelligent animal.
- Carl assembled the InternCorps at the end of the mayoral race, on the model of the Green Lantern Corps from DC Comics. Like Carl, they're high school students. They wear green rings which may or may not give them superpowers.
- Hambone is a dog adopted by @MayorEmanuel and his motley crew, but despite his amazing ability to shit, he mostly behaves like a regular dog.
- The real Rahm Emanuel lost the tip of his right middle finger slicing meat at an Arby's. After slicing his finger, he went swimming in Lake Michigan before getting stitches; the wound got infected and he had to have the tip amputated.Yes -- the real Rahm Emanuel. You start to see a little bit of the madcap inspiration of the thing.
- Nice confluence of 80s references here, mixing and matching post-Thriller Michael Jackson with Marty McFly's disappearing hand from Back to the Future. Time travel, motherfucker.
- Sometimes, @MayorEmanuel's tweets seem like direct commentary on @RahmEmanuel's, particularly when, like in the next two tweets, they follow right on top of each other.
