by
Wed, Jul 11 2012 20:23:53
1

Calculating [TW for discussion of rape, threats of rape]

What it's like to be a woman living in rape culture. OR why I tweeted about the Tosh situation for 24 hours.

  1. scATX
    Jessica Luther@scATX
    I think most cis men would be shocked to learn how much time in each woman's life she spends worrying about being raped.
    Wed, Jul 11 2012 14:36:07
  2. amaditalks
    Amadi@amaditalks
    .@scATX Who was it who asked a man his fear about women & he said "that they'll laugh at me" and she said "I fear men will rape & kill me"?
    Wed, Jul 11 2012 14:37:43
  3. hubbit
    Hubbit Ducreux@hubbit
    @ladybirrrd @amaditalks @scATX That was Margaret Atwood. to.pbs.org/N0AeYg This is the earliest-dated reference I know of.
    Wed, Jul 11 2012 15:05:48
  4. scATX
    Jessica Luther@scATX
    I once told my husband about my fear of elevators and stairwells, the constant calculating I'm doing in those spaces. He was SHOCKED.
    Wed, Jul 11 2012 14:38:29
  5. scATX
    Jessica Luther@scATX
    I said, "Yup. Every single time I'm in an elevator alone, I FEAR that a dude will get on with me and it'll be just us. Every time."
    Wed, Jul 11 2012 14:38:56
  6. scATX
    Jessica Luther@scATX
    Every time I'm going down an empty stair well and there's a guy behind me, I walk faster.
    Wed, Jul 11 2012 14:39:20
  7. Shakestweetz
    Melissa McEwan@Shakestweetz
    @scATX Iain has said that most cis men are not authentically shocked by that, but instead feign shock to justify their subsequent contempt.
    Wed, Jul 11 2012 14:39:40
  8. Shakestweetz
    Melissa McEwan@Shakestweetz
    @scATX By which he means the common practice of snorting derisively at not cis men for their hyper-vigilance.
    Wed, Jul 11 2012 14:41:02
  9. andreagrimes
    Andrea Grimes@andreagrimes
    @scATX Amen. And the fact that for many it's long-term, low-grade awareness rather than panic shouldn't be dismissed; still wears you down.
    Wed, Jul 11 2012 14:41:18
  10. scATX
    Jessica Luther@scATX
    Yes, @andreagrimes. It's exhausting a lot of the time. "Do I want to really walk my dog at 11pm? I mean, she needs to go but..."
    Wed, Jul 11 2012 14:41:57
  11. Shakestweetz
    Melissa McEwan@Shakestweetz
    @scATX He made the rather convincing point that no cis man hasn't experienced and doesn't understand a lone woman's quickening steps.
    Wed, Jul 11 2012 14:43:08
  12. bluecanary
    Kristin Lindsley@bluecanary
    @scATX Especially if the woman is not conventionally attractive. The "nobody would rape *you*" doubt is strong.
    Wed, Jul 11 2012 14:44:06
  13. geeoharee
    Lauren G@geeoharee
    @scATX When my dad taught me basic personal safety, he talked about muggers, but that's not what I think about when I walk home.
    Wed, Jul 11 2012 14:44:37
  14. KushielsMoon
    KushielsMoon@KushielsMoon
    @scATX Agreed. The one time I didn't worry about it, bc I thought I was in safe area, a car followed me home. I was twice as scared after.
    Wed, Jul 11 2012 14:45:33
  15. scATX
    Jessica Luther@scATX
    Every single woman has done what @shakestweetz just called "the quickened steps."
    Wed, Jul 11 2012 14:46:26
  16. scATX
    Jessica Luther@scATX
    Sitting in empty library over winter break. I can see guy sitting over at that table. We're alone as far as I can tell. I'm calculating.
    Wed, Jul 11 2012 14:47:39
  17. scATX
    Jessica Luther@scATX
    Of course, on some level this is all ridiculous bc it plays into idea that it's a stranger who's going to rape you.
    Wed, Jul 11 2012 14:48:22
  18. scATX
    Jessica Luther@scATX
    The one time I was sexually assaulted, it was by a visiting scholar in the copy room in my dept. It wasn't rape, not even close.
    Wed, Jul 11 2012 14:50:19
  19. scATX
    Jessica Luther@scATX
    But he took advantage of the situation. It was on the weekend, when everything was quiet, no one around. That time, I didn't calculate.
    Wed, Jul 11 2012 14:50:56
  20. biscuitzombie
    Zombie@biscuitzombie
    @scATX It's what we're taught tho isnt it? To anticipate that something bad will happen to you
    Wed, Jul 11 2012 14:50:02
  21. scATX
    Jessica Luther@scATX
    So when Tosh makes what you want to call a "joke" about a woman being gang raped...it's not a fucking joke to me.
    Wed, Jul 11 2012 14:51:49
  22. scATX
    Jessica Luther@scATX
    You defending him to me. I'm calculating.
    Wed, Jul 11 2012 14:52:01
  23. scATX
    Jessica Luther@scATX
    You think my outrage is too much. I'm calculating.
    Wed, Jul 11 2012 14:52:30
  24. scATX
    Jessica Luther@scATX
    You think I should move on and forget about it. I'm calculating.
    Wed, Jul 11 2012 14:52:43
  25. thetrudz
    Trudy@thetrudz
    @scATX Every time I go outside...anywhere. Every single time.
    Wed, Jul 11 2012 14:52:20

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Jessica Luther

1) historian of slavery in 17th c Caribbean. 2) progressive. 3) @flyoverfeminism 4) #prochoice / @kyboomu 5) tennis fan. 6) romance novel reader/reviewer.

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