Instructions for allies
How not to have a discussion about women, digital spaces and the potential for assault.
- Through a violation of Foursquare's API, a developer created a super creepy app to stalk women nearby. Here's an ensuing discussion that illustrates nicely on how not to have this discussion; more notes below. Note that my conversation partner otherwise mostly has a good history of being profeminist in his writing and online activities.
Ladies, this is why you shouldn't be using FourSquare. It's a perfect tool for aspiring stalkers. fb.me/Edx7RR4r
@DrNerdLove suppose I should also stop wearing short skirts, too? I expect more nuances analysis from your efforts. :-/- @randomdeanna You may want to read the article, especially considering the level of information the app provides via Foursquare.
- @randomdeanna In fact, the CultOfMac article that Gawker links to takes it even further. This is about FB, Forsquare and access to your info
- @DrNerdLove I read them, yes. The problem I have is with your tweet. You didn't say, "how 4sq, Facebook and others are creating (cont'd)
- @DrNerdLove dangerous situations," you instead said, "ladies, don't use 4sq." that's an entirely different frame that once again (cont'd)
- @DrNerdLove puts the onus on women to not go and get themselves hurt. And then you mansplained me. #fail
- @randomdeanna well, to be fair, I dislike 4sq in general, but this goes above and beyond.
- @randomdeanna and I think we're also hitting the problem with a debate in 140 chars or less. Makes it harder to grasp nuance and intent.
- @DrNerdLove intention never trumps interpretation. That's privilege talking. twitter.com/randomdeanna/s… Also, I managed to say it in less than 140
- @DrNerdLove if you're intetested, I've collected resources on how to be a good ally: sharethischange.com/ally
- When someone tells you that your analysis is wrong and it's related to identity issues like gender, race, sexuality, what have you, here are some tips:
1. Don't get defensive. It's not about you. As much as our egos all want this to be about us, it isn't.2. Listen. See if you can get past that bristle you feel and read or hear what the other person is saying. Yes, it stings to be called sexist or racist or homophobic. But chances are, there are some kernels of truth there.3. Recognize the other person's pain. Again, these things aren't about you. Tell the other person you see that they're hurt or disappointed.4. Apologize. Here's one of the best apologies on the Internet for a situation like this.
Further reading about the issue at hand, btw -- this piece on Techcrunch.
