I think I have the Simile Sex algorithm figured out: Animal, food, religion, repeat.

Braveheart??? I have a feeling the author has never actually seen that movie. http://chud.com/nextraimages/braveheartrev03.jpg

Location 2316: Isaac is distracted by Avery's pec-handling practice while he's on the phone with future SIL: "Hold on, Libby. I have a wild filly here that ain’t been saddle broke yet."

I know that was twitter-spam, but I still thought it was funny.

Avery explains: "“Yep, I’ve seen that syndrome before. It’s common in churchwomen. They get their hair fixed every week; it’s called a standing appointment. And that hairdo has to last for seven days, so to preserve it they wear a pair of satin drawers on their head to prevent it from getting messed up."

Granny Fontenot explains: “I’m not crazy, children. Wearing my skivvies keeps my do pretty." I love Granny Fontenot.

Oh. Dear. God. Brace yourselves: Libby was making party placecards. In the craft room. With glitter. She wipes up excess with washcloth. Oops, she forgot about an OB/GYN checkup! (she's pregnant, remember). She uses said washcloth for a quick refreshing of the lady parts. DON'T ASK, I don't have the details about the logistics.

ANYWAY: “When the doctor got me all spread out like a filleted pork chop, he cracked up and said – ‘Well, hello there. This is the first time anyone’s ever decorated it for me.’ I had glitter everywhere."

“You were Vajazzeled!” Avery laughed. “When I was out at the Vegas cathouse, I heard all about it.”

Of course she did.

Minor Big Misunderstanding does not involve glitter.