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Tue, Jun 12 2012 11:22:06
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The Hilton Crystal City Gambit

  1. The Hilton Crystal City is Decadant and Depraved
    CTOofSimpleton
    ·
    Mon, Jun 11 2012 19:52:52
  2. johnroderick
    john roderick@johnroderick
    I have not stayed in a hotel as poorly managed and maintained as the Hilton Crystal City at National Airport in a very long time. #dump
    Fri, Jun 08 2012 12:28:08
  3. johnroderick
    john roderick@johnroderick
    Hilton Crystal City at National Airport should be renamed Toilet Barge of Mumbai Ashtray Debris, to really capture its essence. #dump
    Fri, Jun 08 2012 12:32:16
  4. johnroderick
    john roderick@johnroderick
    Sometimes you get a bad hotel, so you shrug and move past it. Other times the hotel is such a fartbortion they deserve a slow-clap. #dump
    Fri, Jun 08 2012 12:40:19
  5. johnroderick
    john roderick@johnroderick
    The name Hilton Crystal City makes you think of a shining palace on a hill, but in fact it is an abattoir of Uzbek pack-mules. #dump
    Fri, Jun 08 2012 12:45:16
  6. johnroderick
    john roderick@johnroderick
    I ate at Taco Bell today and I am desperately waiting for the farts to start to mask the smell of my room at the Hilton Crystal City.
    Fri, Jun 08 2012 12:48:25
  7. johnroderick
    john roderick@johnroderick
    I've stayed inside dead Tauntauns that smell less like the inside of a dead Tauntaun than the Hilton Crystal City.
    Fri, Jun 08 2012 13:50:21
  8. johnroderick
    john roderick@johnroderick
    Someone just knocked on my hotel door saying they were "management" and were concerned about my tweets. Now I'm worried for my life!
    Fri, Jun 08 2012 14:13:43
  9. johnroderick
    john roderick@johnroderick
    Hilton Crystal City plays hardball, sending thugs to my hotel door! Of course I didn't answer! He asked if I wanted to change rooms.
    Fri, Jun 08 2012 14:15:25
  10. johnroderick
    john roderick@johnroderick
    They probably have a room for unhappy social media guests, where they kill them in the night with gas! I'm leaving via the window.
    Fri, Jun 08 2012 14:17:33
  11. johnroderick
    john roderick@johnroderick
    He said "Have a nice day" when I wouldn't open the door, but he DIDN'T SOUND LIKE HE MEANT IT! They're going to kill me, send help.
    Fri, Jun 08 2012 14:19:36
  12. johnroderick
    john roderick@johnroderick
    Hilton thugs are patrolling the hall, ready to wish me a "nice day". They've tapped my phone and are following my tweets. #danger
    Fri, Jun 08 2012 14:24:02
  13. johnroderick
    john roderick@johnroderick
    I'm wearing my Airport Limo Driver disguise, and I've fashioned a knife from a bar of soap. Now to use my shower cap as a parachute!
    Fri, Jun 08 2012 14:27:04
  14. Good for blunt stabbing! twitpic.com/9u8wnc
    john roderick@johnroderick
    ·
    Fri, Jun 08 2012 14:29:55
  15. johnroderick
    john roderick@johnroderick
    The light on my phone was flashing, but now it's stopped. It's deathly quiet. I've camouflaged my face with coffee and ballpoint pen.
    Fri, Jun 08 2012 14:40:51
  16. johnroderick
    john roderick@johnroderick
    Just heard a walki-talki squawk by the elevators. Headed to the roof in silent running mode, wastebasket helmet, ice bucket lid shield.
    Fri, Jun 08 2012 14:44:56
  17. Back stairs, through catering, a door was propped open... twitpic.com/9u932h
    john roderick@johnroderick
    ·
    Fri, Jun 08 2012 14:52:27
  18. johnroderick
    john roderick@johnroderick
    Talk to them for me you guys, I'm in the weeds here! “@HiltonHelp: We sincerely apologize for the issues with your stay. @HiltonHotels”
    Fri, Jun 08 2012 14:57:45
  19. johnroderick
    john roderick@johnroderick
    No more "management" sent to my room! “@HiltonHelp: Please follow and DM your email and phone #. Thank you. CC @HiltonHotels"
    Fri, Jun 08 2012 14:59:04
  20. johnroderick
    john roderick@johnroderick
    I appoint @theyearofelan to negotiate on my behalf! He is a famous Hollywood producer, he speaks for me! @HiltonHelp @hiltonhotels
    Fri, Jun 08 2012 15:00:32
  21. johnroderick
    john roderick@johnroderick
    Thank god you've come. Have them call off their goons! @theyearofelan @hiltonhelp @hiltonhotels
    Fri, Jun 08 2012 15:05:15
  22. johnroderick
    john roderick@johnroderick
    I don't dare take a cab--I've seen the Gregory Hines/Billy Crystal cop farce Running Scared--so I'm walking to the show. My phone is dying..
    Fri, Jun 08 2012 15:06:59
  23. johnroderick
    john roderick@johnroderick
    Kevin Costner just ran past me in a Naval Commander's uniform and I've killed two potential agents with my soap knife, a "woman" and "baby".
    Fri, Jun 08 2012 15:10:28
  24. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN! @hiltonhotels is DIABOLICAL! twitpic.com/9u98yj
    john roderick@johnroderick
    ·
    Fri, Jun 08 2012 15:12:34
  25. johnroderick
    john roderick@johnroderick
    My phone died, but I stayed in the culverts along the Jefferson Davis Highway until I hit the river and followed it to the venue. #safe!
    Fri, Jun 08 2012 15:42:47

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If you don't get a good night kiss, you get Kafka dreams.

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